What Do They Say About You?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be "a good woman" (or man, or person).  Sounds simple doesn't it?  But a life long quest for those of us who mean it and want to hold that as a title with which to be associated.

Good is plain isn't it?  "of a favorable character or tendency" says  Merriam-Webster.  If this is so then why is it so fleeting?  Or so it seems? 

I equate goodness and kindness as sort of kin in a way.  One holds hands with the other.  Good and kind.  Can one be good but not kind or kind but not good?  Complex idea and possible I'm sure but without going in depth and for this blog good and kind are related. 

Most recently I worked for a company where in a meeting the President said "I don't want us to be know as the nice company any longer".  This is a loose interruption since I was so shocked and saddened I may not have gotten his words 100% correct.  But the gist is we have been good and tolerant for too long.  It had to stop.  And believe you me, it did!  

Seems to me that today everywhere I turn I see people being 'thrown away'.  The mind-set of if we don't like you or your performance - we will just get rid of you.  Not how can we work together to solve our issues.  And then if we can't solve them after trying - let's agree to part ways.  I know that's idealistic but TRY TO RESOLVE are the words I'm looking for here.....before just 'throwing away'?

Through the years I have said to a few co-workers "at the end of the day I just want to be a decent human being".  And honestly it doesn't seem that hard if everyone has the same goal in mind.  But if you are in an environment where good and decent are a daily up-hill battle then you have your work cut out for you.

I record the The Ellen Show every day.  Don't watch it everyday, but when I do there are 2 things that really stand out for me.   1 - I laugh and I laugh hard and loud (perfect medicine for a bad day).  2  - she closes her show by reminding us to "be kind to one another".  Thank you Ellen!  And yes, I think we need to be reminded - daily.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we were all 'kind to one another' and if each of us did strive to 'be decent human beings' by living as 'a good women or men or humans'.  As my parents would have said, "be people of character". 

My vote is yes.  I grow weary of being with and around people who do not hold these simple acts as truth.  But I don't let that stop me from my daily quest to just be good, kind, decent.  It is the least I can do - plus it makes me happy and allows me to sleep well at night.  

Life as it is....: Too Difficult To Understand

Life as it is....: Too Difficult To Understand: 2 men died tonight. Put to death, executed by our legal system. A system I so struggle with when it comes to the death penalty. There ar...

Too Difficult To Understand

2 men died tonight.  Put to death, executed by our legal system.  A system I so struggle with when it comes to the death penalty.  There are many, many things I think are right with our legal system but this is one I wrestle with (and maybe you do too).  To me it is not always black and white.  But then again I have not lost a loved one to a violent crime, therefore again - the struggle comes forth.

At 11:08 pm EST Wednesday 9. 21.11 Troy Davis was executed by lethal injection in GA for a crime he may or may not have committed.  In my opinion there was reasonable doubt as several witnesses in Davis' initial trial signed affidavits recanting their testimony and saying police had coerced them into implicating him.  However the victim's family said they believe Davis is guilty and they are tired of dredging up old memories with each review of the case.

Then the flip side of my emotion and opinion comes in when I realize that this same evening in Texas another execution took place.  A white supremacist gang member, Lawrence Russell Brewer, was executed for the infamous dragging death of a black man who was chained to the back of a pickup truck and pulled whip-like to his death along a bumpy asphalt road in one of the most grisly hate crime murders in recent Texas history.

I happened to live in San Antonio TX when this took place and there were no words to express the level emotion and grief I felt at that time for such a hanus act.  No human being regardless of color, sex, creed, I mean nothing I can think of in my world would justify such a cruel act.  I was, and am still to this very day, just sick to think of such a crime.  Especially because of a person's color...no words!!!!

At that time I thought and said to many people.....whoever did this should die!!!  And I meant it.  No one has the right to do that to another human being without being punished to the most extreme level of the law. 

And that is exactly what happened this evening.  "An eye for an eye".  And for the victims families I'm certain they feel justice had been served.  Then why am I perplexed.

What follows are my layman's opinions based on what I have heard, read and experienced.  In GA there may be doubt as to the validity of the confessions of several people who sentenced a black man to death for the murder of a white man.  In TX there are only eye witness accounts of a white man who murdered a black man and was sentenced to death.  How odd and amazing that both of these men would enter the after world (where ever they are headed) on the same evening. 

I can almost not comprehend this.   Did they meet up somewhere and discuss this???  Weren't they both 'guiilty of the same thing?'  Or perhaps both innocent?  And both deserve the same 'judgement'? 

One prior to death, Troy in GA, offered to take a lie dectector test and Brewer in TX, was asked if he had any final words, to which he replied: "No. I have no final statement." A single tear hung on the edge of his right eye.


Matthew 7
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

John 8:7

Jesus said:

"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone" 

Romans 12:19

"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 

As I contemplate all of this I'm listening to an album I loved years ago "Buckingham Nicks".  And the song "Races Are Run" plays and the lyrics startle me with:

"So many different kind of people

Trying to be the same"......
"Races are run

Some people win
Some people always have to lose"

Does that say it all?  Some people win and some people lose?  And even after the executions there are still many losers.  The obvious loss of life on the evening of Wednesday September 21, 2011.  But mainly the lost lives on the day of the murders that took place.  The victims and their family's must never be forgotten in this debate.

Officer Mark MacPhail - Age 27 - August 19, 1989

James Bird Jr. - Age 49 - June 7, 1998

Obviously neither of these innocent men deserved to die almost 10 years apart.  For those deaths, in my eyes, there can be no justice.  Nothing makes that right, nothing!

So tonight (or yesterday as I actually get around to getting my thoughts together for this) are there really any winners?  Was justice served?  Does a life for a life wipe the slate clean?  Are we resolved?  Are families at peace?  Or are we still just in the same place we were hours before these executions....not sure, confused, conflicted....and yes unresolved and definitely Not At Peace?

Are we better or worse for this?  Determined not to judge I refrain from an opinion - but I know for certain I'm remain confused and sad. 
 
RIP:

• Officer MacPhail

• Mr. Bird
• Mr. Davis
• Mr. Brewer

Well, Guess I Can't Sell The Antiques

You know the family heirlooms that probably aren't worth much anyway.  I have moved and moved and moved and moved them (those of you that really know me, know this is true because I've moved a heck of a lot).  Now that I'm in New Orleans (for what I hope is a long while) it has crossed my mind....unload this junk.

Now my Mama used to say "one man's junk is another man's treasure".  Is that a Proverb?  Or did I just make that part up?  And she also used to say her decorating style (and our furniture...possessions) were "early Appalachia".  Yep, that part is was true.

See I grew up in McMinn County in Etowah, TN but my Mama's roots are in Johnson County, Mountain City, TN (the most upper most part of east TN).  All our 'stuff' that was handed down came from these parts originally.  My brother and I spent many summers in this beautiful place - mostly in a little area called Doe Valley, right smack dap in the hills of Appalachia.  Now the relatives (mostly old one's even then) called Doe, God's country.  I'm sure many TN folks have relatives that said the same thing about the part of East Tennessee they are from - because in my mind it truly is all God's country - beautiful beyond belief. 

If you don't believe this just look at Karen Tuggle's picture posted on Facebook just yesterday of the moon rising over Star Mountain. 

We used to all call it "down Doe" everyone in my family knew that meant where we were from before my Grandfather branched out and bought a farm in McMinn Co, TN (another little plot of God's country).  What I don't know what brought our folks to Doe Valley?  We were always told we were "Scotch Irish' along with many East Tennesseans I'm certain.  I'm not even sure what that means and Wikipedia doesn't specifically address East TN...so I'm stuck having to research that on ancestrycom.  But I'm bettin' (if I were a bettin' girl) that we were originally from Scotland or Ireland.  Just sayin' these people liked the east TN hills and challenges of farming there - reminded them of home...so they all say.

What in the world does any of this have to do with our 'family jewels' and not the kind you are thinking of...I'm referring to the antiques both my brother and I harbor in our homes.  Well tonight I went to Tipitina's (great live music venue in Uptown New Orleans) to see the Carolina Chocolate Drops. 

Now I knew of the CCDs but haven't seen them before tonight  but of course I always do my homework so I googled them before going to the show (and so should you).  Carolina Chocolate Drops - wikipedia 
Without even saying much more I will just say - They Are Amazing and if they play within 100 miles of where you are you really should make the effort to go.

They played a lot of very old timey (and I mean old - pre Flat and Scruggs) music.  See the Chocolate part is they are black, and are very educated musicians from the Piedmont area of North Carolina (see where I'm going here - back to my roots).  Not only did they offer music that probably 99.9% of the people there had been exposed to (with the exception of their recordings) they offered a true education in the music that filled the hearts of people in Appalachia -then and now.  It was almost like taking a college course in early music influenced by African American (pre and post slavery).  Wow.

This concert took me back to an election night in the summer in Mountain City - must have been primaries....the votes were being tallied by counting the pieces of paper and a blue grass band played in between announcements of votes being counted and recorded on a black board.  If you think I'm kidding - I'm not...and I'm not that old.  This must have been in the 70's.  I think by then even Etowah had the booths with the curtains and levers...but not Mountain City.  They had paper ballots and blue grass.  Can I tell you how thankful am I that I had that experience? 

So while watching this concert, whooping and hollering, doing a little 'flat footin' (if you don't know this - then think primitive clogging - learned this craft in college at the bluegrass bar) I realized.....I can't sell my family heirlooms!  They are indeed my treasures.  They connect me to my family and my roots to, roots to which I'm stuck (and proudly so) for ever.  I used to say bluegrass is in my DNA and I think there is more truth to that than I realized when I came up with that saying. 

If not my DNA then certainly my past, my history, my roots, my ancestry and yes represented in all that 'trash - that is most certainly my treasure!"  Thank you Mama for passing along your decorating skill of "early Appalachian".  I learnt it good..

Mayo, Mustard and Salsa

Simple items - right?  Yes, probably to you and me.  But not to the woman in front of me tonight in Wal-Mart. 

I mentioned in a previous post that New Orleans presents a lot of opportunities to give and perhaps to judge too.  I'm pretty certain I've done plenty of the later in my life.  But recently this has been reflecting in my head:

"We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

— Abraham Lincoln

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK I realize it's pretty presumptuous of me to quote Abe especially when he's referring to the Civil War....but it came to mind.  And really, shouldn't we be friends - not enemies - with those in need?  I'm thinking yes.

 
So here's what happened.  I'm buying a few totally unnecessary things (most of us have done this - at least I think so).  In front of me in the Speedy - Less Than 20 line is an African American lady (about my age) with a small girl (about 5).  I immediately thought Grandmother raising Grandchild.  Now that's not a judgement - but most likely a fact.  She has a few items including "Great Value" hamburger buns, mayo, mustard and salsa. 
 
Evidently some of the items were more necessary than others - because as she was checking out she sets aside the mayo, mustard and salsa.  Counted her cash and paid.  At that point it hit me....she can't afford the condiments.  Wow.  Now here I am purchasing 'stuff' I certainly don't need and she can't even afford the extras for the burgers. 
 
I asked her if I could purchase the items.  She said yes - and then as I was checking out proceeded to walk away.  I was a little confused so I called out for her to come back.  The cashier handed the bagged mayo, mustard and salsa to her.  Shocked she looked at me and said "I thought you were asking if you could buy them for yourself".  I said no, I bought them for you.  She acted surprised and said "You didn't have to do that".  I said - I want to.  But inside I thought "yes I did have to do this".  Why?  Because I can and I should - I'm blessed beyond measure.
 

But perhaps the real reason is because "we are friends - not enemies"  and maybe, just maybe "the angel of my better nature" was rearing her lovely head! 

New Orleans - wonderful and challenging

Day starts...................Dr's appt (no big deal - routine).  To work late - sorta fun and sorta stressful - swing by to see Wendy for a Baha Salad so i won't have to leave my desk (remember going to work late). 

Got there...........NO INTERNET!  What???  Hard to comprehend exactly what that means....rain - tropical depression or something dumping on us and power serge....NO INTERNET!  Ok, that's ok....oh wait  that isn't ok....what the hell do we do that doesn't involve Internet these days?  Nothing!  Exactly - Nothing.

Ok, eat the Baha - internet comin' soon (just gotta be).  IT to the rescue -aren't they the miracle workers?  YES - of course they are.  No biggie (it's lunch time anyway).  Sales team scatters to eat or do whatever you do in New Orleans at lunch when it's raining and you have no Internet. 

Saints game tonight.....some peeps just focused on that....ok.  

Go visit my friend (and hairdresser) Earl at Studio-e-salon in the hotel.  He Has a new Ferrari (red no less) blow dryer he's dying to try out.  He says - "can I blow out (now don't' go there) you hair?"  I say - "only if you shampoo first."  So I get a free shampoo and blow dry (with the Ferrai while on the clock - with no Internet).  Hair turns out great.  Say bye to Earl and head back to the office

No internet...............................

Hmmmmmmmmm

Ok go to the credit union to make a deposit.....walk 4 blocks....banking accomplished.......back to hotel...

No internet...............seriously???  Where is AT&T?  It's now 2:30pm.

Walk to my car and get dry cleaning that's been riding around with me for days......(I get free dry cleaning and yes that's a bigger perk than most anything).

Back to the office....No internet...............are you kidding??  What the hell are we supposed to do.  Team frustrated...standing around......really can't do anyting. 

Seriously what to do?  Obviously the only option is Happy Hour.  Yep still exists here (2 or 3 for 1 drinks and cheap food).  'Round 'em up and head 'em out..." we headed to Bourbon House across the street - Why the hell not!
'Saddle' up to the bar drinks all around.  It's Happy Hour, it's raining, we have no Internet and we're in New Orleans - I mean seriously - what were our choices?? 

Drinks.......some head to Saints tailgates.......

  The rest of us wander to Luke's Bar for .50 oysters and 1/2 price drinks.  These are good (no great) oysters...seriously fresh, today fresh. We each devour a dozen (it's easy really). 

6pm - head home.  Stop, fill up my tank - (my brother told me to) - tropical storm coming might need to the hell outta town.  Did the right thing!  Fill 'er' up! 

Guy comes over, asks for a couple bucks - hum.. lots of peeps ask for $ in New Orleans - but something seemed more desperate than "I just need a beer".  I see a small economy car at another pump.  I look, examine and quiz...  Why???

"Need to get back to Layfette - no money - wife and 3 year old in car."  I question - not gonna buy beer, drugs, etc?  "No really just need gas."  

I walk over to chat with wife and sure enough sweet little girl in the car about 3.  Wife has the 'please, I'm not beggin - but help us' look.  I asked her story - again just need to get home........sometimes situations are complicated and who am I to judge. 

I ask does your child need anything?  "Maybe apple juice".  I think, apple juice for a 3 year old can't I (who is blessed beyond compare) do this?

I go into the store and watch as they watch anxiously from the car.  I get juice and a couple of waters (the least I can do right?) and go to the register.  I tell the cashier "$20 on pump 11" and pay.  I tell cashier - "I'm buying gas for someone I don't know"....he says 'hope it's the right thing' and I seriously quesion myself...but then think...and say "sometimes life is difficult"  and he agrees.

I walk to the pump - hand over the drinks (wife almost cries) and say pump $20.  They thank me - and I say to them.."thank you for asking for help" - and I really mean this.  Because sometimes when you reallly need help - it's hard to ask.  They thank me again.

That's life in New Orleans.  Lots of people in need - just like everywhere.  I've come to the conclusion - when the spirit moves to help someone I will not question.  I will give and I will trust the Universe to take care of the rest. 

I'm happy to be here and blessed enough to give without judgement. 

I challenge you - go ahead, give without judgement....leave that to the Universe.

Go Saints...............did I say that?  Yep and I mean it too!  "Saints" are everywhere so might as well say ...."GO"

What To Do With The Walls??

Moved in months ago.  Furniture in place.  Living and breathing and working in this space.  But nothing on the walls.  Walls haunt me  Always have.  What to do?????

Drink a few glasses of wine, come home, grab a hammer and get started.  Is there a right and wrong for where the strange art I've collected or made over the years should hang?  I think not. 

My apartment won't be up for any design awards, no one is going to measure or examine if things are in scale or straight (thank God).  So what's to fear????

That is what I asked myself tonight...(wine applied - ok, I admit).  What does it really matter where the pictures finally land.  Does anyone really care (NO) so what's the problem?  Just hang them dang things.  Ok, got it!  Done!!  And Done and ok, I actually like it!  And really am I not the only one that cares or will judge.  Yes.

Then what the HELL took so long????

Let it go.......live life as you want not as you think others want you to!

Nuff said for tonight.